What did the disciples experience when they heard "take up your cross"? For they had not yet passed through that terrible night and the day that followed. Jesus tells them that He will be the first to go to the Cross, but these are still only words, which neither mind nor soul can contain. The words of the apostle Paul sound entirely different: I have been crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:19). These are words "afterward." And though they speak about the same thing, about ascending the cross for His sake and for the sake of people, they already sound different, as if they breathe the light of the Resurrection.
But we must still try, even though at times it feels impossible, to return, as it were, to the darkness into which these words plunged the disciples, so as to share it with them. This is absolutely necessary, because we must walk the whole path from beginning to end.