FAQ

To answer your first question, what is essential is not so much the faith of the parents who refuse to bless the marriage, but the faith of those who intend to enter into it. For believers, it is fundamentally important that their union is formed according to the will of God, who gives love (not to be confused with infatuation) and unity in marriage. The will of God does not necessarily coincide with the opinion of the parents, who are, after all, only human. Of course, the prayer of believing parents can significantly aid the new family, but the blessing of the parents is not an essential condition for marriage. Adults who are responsible before God ultimately decide such questions themselves; it is not without reason that the Lord says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife..." However, one must not forget the principle, "do not do to others what you would not have them do to you." It is necessary to clearly discern why the parents do not approve of the marriage: is it because they are anxiously concerned out of love for the fate of their children, or because it is unacceptable to them that their children make independent decisions. Both situations require prayer, but, of course, of a different kind... Thus, the blessing of parents is desirable, but not mandatory.

As for engagement, this is a non-biblical concept that emerged in connection with the development of the church rite no earlier than the 5th century AD. The Bible speaks of the essence of marriage, of how God desires to see it. The rite of its solemnization is quite historical and subject to change. For the Orthodox, betrothal is part of the unified rite of marriage. It consists of two people in the Church, in the presence of witnesses, making a promise to each other and to God to be together and to be faithful to each other until the end of their days ("I,... take you,... as my wife, and I promise you marital love and respect until death"). At the same time, they also answer the question of whether they have made this decision of their own free will ("Do you have a good and free intention to take as your wife this..., whom you see before you?") and the question "have you not promised yourself to another." So, as you can see, the Church inquires about the free will of the bride and groom themselves, but does not ask the parents. They might not even be present here at all — this is regarding your first question. Betrothal in the ecclesiastical sense, therefore, is a declaration to God and the Church of a firm and voluntary intention to enter into marriage and the making of a marital vow. If relatives and friends are present at this, then they, naturally, also become witnesses to it. Currently, almost always, the betrothal (as engagement is called in church terminology) is performed immediately prior to the celebration of the sacrament of Holy Matrimony.