NOTES for Mat 14:22-36
“...Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.’ And He said, ‘Come’...” How often doubts about our faith overcome us. This is a good sign, a sign that our faith is healthy. Remember the third psalm: “Lord, how they have multiplied who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are they who say of my soul, ‘There is no salvation for him in his God’” (Ps 3:1–2). In the spiritual interpretation of this psalm, the many who rise up against my faith are a very real force, even if no one visibly persecutes me. And when this force attacks, how much we want to cry out to the Lord and say: if it is You, command me to know Your divine nature; make me at least partly like Yourself, share Your divinity with me, let me partake of You, so that I may be convinced: it is You. What, after all, was Peter’s action? In essence, he desired a transcendent, unearthly experience that would strengthen his faith. There are moments when we too desire this very much. We become so frightened, our faith is shaken so violently, that we desperately want to grasp the Lord’s hand. And how do we cope with this? We hear an inner voice: who are you that such miracles should happen to you? What would be left of your faith then? It would already be certain experience, not faith. Go to church, look at the faith of others and be strengthened by it. Besides, it tells you, miracles do not happen in our days; who has seen them except some madmen and churchmen?... But all this self-reassurance is not quite good enough. For the Lord says something else; He says: come. Come. It is very important to hear this. Do you doubt? Come, dare, test, seek experience. For true faith begins only after a real experience of meeting God; before that event there is only searching, only piety, only intention. Our self-reassurance may seem to us supremely correct, very humble, and very virtuous. But humility is empty without boldness. We must always remember this. In some respects, today’s reading about Peter is close in spirit to the account of Thomas being convinced. Thomas also wanted real experience. And he received it. He received it because the Lord Himself wanted it. His will is that our faith should not be a code of written rules, not the letter, however reverently received, not ritual alone, not piety alone, not virtue alone, not our monologue sent in His direction with a frantic wish that He might at least hear it, like a letter sent to the highest government offices: clearly no one will reply, though perhaps there is a small chance someone will read it. This is not the faith the Lord expects from us. He wants a real life together, real cooperation; He wants us boldly to break through toward speaking with Him face to face. If you truly want this, go to meet Him. Go alone, leave all your companions in the boat, and go.