NOTES for 1 Ин 4:18
Why is there "no fear in love"? Why does the fact that fear has torment make fear an obstacle on the road of love? After all, it would seem that we often suffer while loving. If one thinks about it, no, not often.
We suffer if a person does not respond to our love, that is, when we fear that we are not loved enough in return, that we have not been properly valued. Then this is not love but longing for another person and wounded self-love; perfect love would simply wish the other happiness, without regret for oneself. We suffer from fear for the beloved, but such fear is, first, doubt in the beloved person, if we are speaking of an adult, and distrust of God, if we are speaking of a child.
Responsibility for a child, which compels one to protect him from danger, is part of parental love, but panicked fear that something will happen to the child is not at all a sign of great maternal or paternal feeling.
Fear is often found in relationships: fear of offending or being offended, fear of giving too little love or showing excessive ardor, fear of being oneself, fear of not being accepted. There are many fears, and they have one thing in common: fear creates an obstacle, like a small partition. It automatically increases the distance between people and makes it hard for the warm current of true love to pass, the love that is God, the love that creates the meeting of person with person and of the person with God.