NOTES for Mat 9:9-13
It is hard and repulsive each time to stumble in yourself over the same nasty things. It feels as though you are walking in a closed circle. Again you repent of what you thought had already been passed through and understood. And you say to yourself, "Maybe I should terminate the agreement? Nothing comes of our cooperation."
But what do you hear in response? "I came to call not the righteous, but sinners." The Lord called a sinner, pulled him out of the mud, and brought him near to Himself. He said that He needed the sinner. And it turns out there was no agreement; there was a call and consent. My voluntary consent to answer His call to leave everything except Him. And then, once again recognizing my nature as a sinner, a tax collector gathering where he did not sow, recognizing the sickness whose destructive work you keep encountering even after it has been treated, the work that has deadened parts of you, I come to the physician.
I am still pained by myself, but I know who heals all this, who quiets the pain, who gives strength to rise. And, returning, you repeat the words of Psalm 106: "...He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their graves. Let them praise the Lord for His mercy and for His wonderful works for the children of men."