NOTES for Mat 19:3-12

Christ's words in today's Gospel reading are even more relevant to us than they were to the Pharisees who heard Him. They believed that there was a fairly broad but still limited set of valid reasons for divorce. Today, however, we have become accustomed to the idea that no reasons at all are required. Like the Pharisees, modern “advanced” civilization regards marriage as a certain way of arranging earthly, or simply earthbound, relationships.

It is more convenient for us to hear the Lord tell the scribes that in the Kingdom of Heaven people neither marry nor are given in marriage and, understanding these words in an extremely superficial way, to suppose that marriage is a purely earthly, this-worldly phenomenon. Yet the Lord says only that this unity between two people can be established on earth alone, because it embraces the fullness of the human being.

Today's Gospel reading emphasizes that marriage is a timeless reality, no less heavenly than earthly. It is an essential union in which two are no longer two but one. It affects not only the flesh but something far greater within the human person. This is precisely why the disciples are so frightened and say that in such a case it is better not to marry at all.

We too are frightened by this image of marriage because we see in it a certain loss of our identity. This fear gives us away: we fear an indissoluble marriage because we want to receive rather than give; we want to be loved while merely making use of that love. This disposition of the soul, simply put, selfishness, is the principal cause of divorce. But God's design for marriage is not like that, and no one who loves will understand our fear, because for one who loves, happiness lies in giving, not receiving.