NOTES for Act 9:20-31

In today's reading from Acts we see how the twelve apostles do not accept one more future apostle, Paul. In a time of persecution, the Teacher's words that they too would be persecuted surely rise in their memory. Some of them, Peter for example, know very well the price of words. They understand that just as they themselves were able to deny Christ an hour after swearing loyalty to Him, so someone who appears to have become "one of their own" may turn out, when tested, to be an informer. All the more so when this is the kind of person's coming about whom their Lord had warned them: "Indeed, the hour is coming when whoever kills you will think he is offering service to God" (John 16:2).

The apostles, simply because of human fear, forget that their Teacher turns every human weakness upside down and transforms it into a strength that can serve Him. Just as He accepted them despite the fact that they betray Him, though they know Him and know Who He is, so He is free to forgive His own zealous persecutor and make him His great servant.

Shaul's transformation into Paul and into an apostle is marked by the beginning of preaching. Of witness. And Paul begins this preaching immediately after baptism. The persecutor turns into a witness. How did he manage this? Before this he knew nothing about Christianity, about the Church; he had not met or spoken with any of the apostles. In fact, according to his own words in one of his letters, he did not communicate with them much later either.

In short, reasoning in human terms, Shaul, who became Paul, was not prepared for any apostolic ministry. And yet he begins his witness. Today this may seem somewhat strange to us. Not only because Paul was unprepared in the theoretical sense, so to speak: many today also go out to preach in order to bear witness to their own spiritual experience without needing any special knowledge.

But apostolic ministry presupposed witness to Christ, to meetings with Him, to His death and resurrection. Paul was not among those who communed with the risen Jesus during the days separating the Resurrection from the Ascension. It would seem that he could not be a witness, for he did not see with his own eyes what the other apostles saw. But Paul was nevertheless precisely an apostle. A witness. An eyewitness.

Only not of what took place in the days after the Resurrection, but of what happened on the Damascus road with him personally. This meeting made him a witness, and therefore an apostle. This means that apostolic ministry, the ministry of a witness who has seen Christ with his own eyes, is not reduced only to the twelve who were destined to become witnesses of what happened from the Resurrection to the Ascension.

It extends to everyone who has had occasion to meet the Risen One. Wherever and whenever such a meeting may have occurred. And this witness is, in its own way, no less important than the witness of the twelve: it says that the history of the Kingdom continues. It did not end two thousand years ago. Meetings with the King of this Kingdom are possible today as well. Therefore it can continue for us too, if, of course, we want to participate in it.

In Paul's life, especially during his apostolic ministry, all kinds of things happened. Persecutions, of course, happened too. It would seem that a person bearing witness to Christ must be absolutely and at every moment ready for any persecutions and for death. But here the apostle flees the city after learning that they are planning to kill him.

Does this mean that sometimes even a faithful witness of Christ may flee from his murderers, even if they are pursuing him in connection with his ministry? That is exactly how it turns out. Still, Paul's decision can seem strange only at first glance, and only to a person obsessed with some idea. An idea that for him is more important than life itself.

But the point is that for a Christian there is precisely nothing more important than life. Or, more exactly, Life with a capital letter. And witness to Christ and to the Kingdom becomes precisely witness to this fullness of Life. Moreover, necessarily with demonstration, otherwise the witness is unconvincing. Sometimes the brightest witness becomes precisely the readiness to give up earthly life for the sake of the fullness of the life of the Kingdom. The part for the sake of the whole.

It is no accident that the word usually translated into Russian as "martyr" means in the original, Greek or Latin, precisely "witness." Such a death itself becomes part of the witness, part of the ministry. But the murder that threatened Paul then in the city could not become such a part. And the apostle is not going to be led by those who want to get rid of him. His ministry is part of God's plan. And it had to end when God wanted it to, not when a handful of murderers maddened by hatred wanted it to.

Paul can hardly be accused of fearing death. And yet there were situations when he preferred to avoid it. Clearly, in his life he was guided by far more than fearlessness alone. Of course, in Paul's life, as in the life of every Christian, God's providence played the central role. It was not Paul but God who decided what the apostle should do in one situation or another.

But still, is there any logic in everything that is happening? There is, for a witness can bear witness not only by his own life but also by his own death. Everything depends on how one lives and how one dies.

Yet it makes sense to bear witness only to people who can and want to hear at least something. It is impossible to bear witness to a fanatic wholly absorbed in fanaticism, or, for example, to a raging crowd. In such situations even the Savior Himself was silent. And Paul, judging by all this, also considers witness in such cases absolutely useless. If people have vowed neither to eat nor drink while their enemy is alive, then they hate their enemy to madness, to the point of losing their mind, so there can be no question of witness here. One might as well try to bear witness to a hungry crocodile.

And since suicide bears witness to nothing except the witness's lack of wisdom, Paul does not consider it necessary to sacrifice himself to those who want only his death and nothing more. He escapes from the hands of his potential murderers - escapes precisely so that he may still have time to bear witness to the Kingdom to those who were ready and able to hear.

Paul could hardly be blamed for the fact that he was afraid of death. Still, there were situations, when he preferred to avoid death. As seen, in his life he was guided not only by fearlessness. Of course in Paul's life, as in every Christian, the main role was played by the plan, intention of God. And it is not Paul, but God Who decided how the apostle has to act in any situation.

But all the same: is there any logic in all that happens? There is probably. In fact: for the witness, testimony can be not only the personal life, but also the personal death. Everything depends on how to live and how to die. But indeed, testimony has meaning only for people, who can and want at least to hear something. It is impossible to witness to a fanatic, who is completely immersed in his fanaticism, or, for example, to a raging crowd. In such situations even the Savior Himself kept silent.

Paul, as seen, considers testimony in such cases as an absolutely useless thing. If people made the vow not to eat or drink as long as their enemy is still alive, it means that they hate their enemy to madness, to frenzy, so it can’t be about any testimony here. With the same success one could try to witness to a starving crocodile. And since suicide witness of nothing else than the foolishness of the witness, Paul, as seen, does not find necessary to sacrifice himself for those who only want his death and nothing more. And he saves himself from the hands of his potential murders. He saves himself exactly in order to witness the Kingdom to those who were willing and able to hear.

Today we read about the conversion of Saul, an event that not only turned his life upside down, but also in many ways determined the course of Christian history. Such conversions do not happen often, but they have happened and continue to happen. In essence, every person sooner or later meets God on his path. This meeting often overturns a person's consciousness in much the same way as happened with Paul. He considered himself a servant of God, but turned out to be His enemy, and the reverse was also true: he thought Jesus was his enemy, but He turned out to be his Lord, his life, his calling.

In fact, such an overturning of consciousness is called repentance (in Greek, "metanoia," a "change of mind"). When a person suddenly sees that his whole life is a persecution of Christ, which he carries out inside himself or among those near and far from him, the mercy of the persecuted Son of God is also revealed to him. He will not only accept him among His disciples, but will also lay on him a new mission: not to tear apart, but to build up Christ's Church.

The Lord had prepared a surprise for Ananias. Ananias was plainly quite ready for God to speak to him. But even he did not expect this: to go to Saul of Tarsus, about whom everyone knows that he persecutes Christians and has come to Damascus with one purpose, to root out Christianity.

Ananias is shocked. But he does not reject the vision (though he could have said: going to Saul is madness, so this is not a vision but delirium). On the other hand, he does not argue with God; he does not say, "No, Lord, I am not going anywhere." He clarifies: "Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to Your saints, and here in Damascus he also wants to persecute Your Church..." In answer, the Lord does not say whether this is true or not (evidently because it is already known that it is true); He says: "Go, because I have chosen him."

And Ananias makes the only right decision: he simply goes and does what the Lord told him.