NOTES for Co1 7:10-24

Why does Paul insist that families in which one spouse is a Christian should, if possible, be preserved, even if the other party is far from faith? Of course, one could explain everything by the value of family as such and by the desire to preserve that very family, if there is even the slightest chance of doing so. One could also recall the prohibition of divorce spoken by the Savior himself. But that prohibition applies only to Christians themselves. Even the Torah, in principle, permits divorce, though only in special cases and without much enthusiasm. As for pagans, from the point of view of the Torah there is no problem here: although the Torah recognizes marriage between pagans as a fact, it naturally imposes no prohibitions or restrictions on divorce in that case.

Why, then, in spite of all this, does the apostle still insist that a marriage between a Christian and an unbelieving spouse, or the reverse, should be preserved if possible? Judging by his own words, the main task for the Christian in such a situation is to bring the other party in the marriage into participation in the life of the Kingdom.

Witness, of course, plays an enormous role here. But witness within the family turns out to be an extremely difficult task, and if, according to the Savior's word, it is especially hard for a prophet in his hometown and in his own house, then his words fully apply to Christian witness as well. Christianity, however, is not a religion into which someone must be converted, but a life into which someone must be brought.

The main thing here is not to change the worldview of one's husband or wife, but to let that person feel what the Kingdom is. It is that very Kingdom which, under normal circumstances, is always present in the life of a Christian, and which, again under normal circumstances, a Christian can always share with the one who is nearby. Then the result may be completely unexpected. And a family in which at first only one of the two was a Christian may become truly Christian.

In our time Paul's words about marriage are no less relevant now than they were in the first century AD. In modern society, being a believer is more laughable and strange than normal. And this can coexist quite well with formal respect for the Bible. Yes, sometimes one can refer to it on occasion and this will even evoke respect, but a person who builds his life in accordance with Scripture sooner or later will feel the puzzled looks, and that at best, of acquaintances and colleagues. Our faith still remains a stumbling block and foolishness even for the closest people, the members of our family. Unfortunately, sometimes this lack of understanding begins to destroy the family from within, and the believer's own role in this is not so small. At first we rush to convert our husband or wife, pouring out arguments and quotations from the Bible with all the heat of our heart, forgetting that each person's path to God is individual; there are no laws and rules here. It is a personal conversation, and even a husband or wife is superfluous in it. And then, if our close person is not converted that very second, we become angry with him, and then we wall ourselves off and withdraw.

But in fact these words about marriage are only part of the apostle's main appeal: "Let each one remain before God in the calling in which he was called." It is hard for Christians to live in this world; there are too many temptations and distractions. One very much wants to shut oneself up in a narrow circle of friends who understand and are close in spirit, to pretend that the world does not exist. But Christ, through Paul's lips, calls us to go into the world, not away from the world. So that we, remaining there, in that very place in life where we met God, may carry the Good News into the world, the News of the Resurrection. So that by our life we may bear witness that one can live differently, not competing and defeating, but loving and forgiving. And this includes our family.

Why Paul insists that families, where one of the spouses is Christian, should be by possibility saved, even if the other party is far away from faith? Of course, one could have been able to explain everything with the value of the family as such, and the will to save this very family, if only there is just a small chance. One could remember the ban of divorce, about which the Savior Himself speaks about. But indeed, this ban concerns only the Christians themselves. Even the Torah, in principle admits divorce, although in particular cases, and not too willingly. As for the gentiles, there are also no problems here from the point of view of the Torah: although the Torah recognizes as a reality the marriage between gentiles, it doesn’t impose in this case of course any prohibitions and restrictions on divorce. But why with all this the apostle all the same insists on the fact that it is necessary if possible to save the marriage between a Christian and a non believer (or the opposite)?

According to his own words, the main task of the Christian in such situation is to introduce the other partner in marriage to the life of the Kingdom. Of course, witness plays here an immense role. But witness in particular in the family turns out the most complex task, and if, according to the words of the Savior, it is sometimes particularly difficult for the prophet in his home town and in his own house, then His words are completely also applicable to the Christian witness. But indeed, Christianity is not a religion, to which it is necessary to turn, but the life, which it is necessary to join.

The main thing here is not to change the conception of the world of the husband (wife), but to make him (her) feel what that is the Kingdom. This very Kingdom, which in normal case is always present in the life of the Christian. And which in the normal case Christian can always share with the one who is near. Well then the result can turn out the most unexpected. And the family, in which a Christian was initially one of the two, can become really Christian.

For Paul, Christianity is above all life in the Kingdom and witness to the Kingdom. Therefore he does not give decisive importance to the external conditions and circumstances of a person's life. Christ's Kingdom is not of this world, and being in it does not depend on a person's status in this world. Only the external forms in which the life of the Kingdom is manifested change; the possible ways of witness change, but the life of the Kingdom itself in a person remains the same.

Of course, if there is an opportunity to change one's social position by adding external freedom to oneself, it is never superfluous to do so. But one should not consider such changes in themselves the goal and meaning of life. To use every opportunity that presents itself for witness to the Kingdom, however, is not only possible but necessary. Including, and even first of all, in one's own home. It is no accident that the apostle advises not to hurry with divorce even when only one of the two in the marriage is a Christian: who knows whether married life itself may not become the witness that will lead the husband or wife to Christ?

Of course, in all times, and the first Christian times were no exception, a spouse who had turned to Christ had the desire to begin all of life, including family life, from a clean slate. Divorce then seemed, and still seems to many, the simplest solution, especially since misunderstanding between a believing husband and an unbelieving wife, or the reverse, arises quite often, especially at first, immediately after conversion.

But the apostle proposes something else: to begin a new life not with divorce, not with the breaking of relationships, but with an attempt to renew these relationships and make them part of that life of the Kingdom which has become a reality for the converted spouse. Paul remains an apostle here too: the main thing is to open the reality of the Kingdom to as many people as possible. Including those who live with you in the same house.

What does the apostle Paul want to tell us? What does it mean that “those who have wives should be as though they had none; those who mourn as though they were not mourning; those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing; those who buy as though they had no possessions; and those who use the world as though they were not using it”? What should this look like in practice? The first reaction is to simplify. One might say that because “the time is short,” Paul recommends leaving one’s wife, ceasing to mourn and rejoice, and rejecting everything we have in this world. Yet that would be far too simple and altogether wrong. No, Paul is speaking about something else. Rather, the question is what matters most to us. Very often, what seems most important at the moment becomes dominant: perhaps family, perhaps what this world gives us, or perhaps our own mood—our pain or our joy. The apostle Paul proposes that we change our point of view. Yes, I mourn—but this is not the main thing in my life. The Lord is the main thing. Yes, I rejoice in my good fortune—but the Lord is the main thing. In such a situation we are free from what we have in this world and free for eternity. Not because we reject what we have, but because we are no longer bound by it.

What is the Apostle Paul not accused of? Of expressing himself obscurely, of making it possible to misinterpret his words. But most of all, of the fact that today’s text leaves no loopholes. Choose your path responsibly and follow it. Physical love in marriage is indispensable. It is not sufficient for peace, but it is necessary. Divorce is impermissible; fidelity is obligatory. One spouse’s unbelief cannot serve as grounds for destroying the family. How often one hears accusations directed at the Apostle: he supposedly failed to understand everything and cannot give any advice because he himself was never married; besides, he too was human and therefore must have made a mistake somewhere. But such arguments arise precisely when people need to justify what, deep down, even the accusers themselves cannot justify—when they want to find the guilty party anywhere except in their own heart. The Apostle is simply telling us that the family is sanctified by God regardless of changes in our views. Once we have chosen this path, our task is to follow it to the end. Or else to live as he did.