NOTES for Act 9:5

The words of the risen Christ, whom Paul met on the Damascus road, make a twofold impression. On the one hand, everything is simple and clear: it is useless to kick against the goads, God is in any case stronger than a human being, and it is not for a human being, even one as gifted in every respect as Paul, to resist the Kingdom entering the world. And yet: are there so few people resisting it? Does Christ appear to all of them as He appeared to Paul? The answer is obvious. Only one question remains: why is it so? Can the Risen One not appear to every doubter and even every opponent, so that, having run into Him as into the goad, the person would be convinced and turn from an opponent into a faithful follower, as happened with Paul?

If we consider this question, to use a modern expression, from a technical point of view, there is no problem here. The problem lies elsewhere: in a person’s spiritual choice and in the freedom of his will. The Kingdom cannot be imposed by force; it can only be accepted voluntarily. And not because an unbelieving person cannot see it, for if God wills, anyone will see the Kingdom, but because the structure of the Kingdom is formed by relationships of love that bind its inhabitants with God and with Christ, all of them with one another, and finally Christ Himself with His heavenly Father. Here one cannot get anywhere without goodwill: one cannot be made loving by force, and it is impossible to love against one’s will.

But what then about Paul, who ran into Christ and His love as into the goad? Where is freedom here? At first glance it seems that in this case there is no question of any freedom, if not for one “but”: Paul, while still Saul, had already made his choice. A choice in favor of God, the Torah, and the path of righteousness, as he understood them, of course. Now God only had to correct his ideas about Himself, about the Messiah, about the Torah, and about the path of righteousness. And He does this, quickly and decisively, in keeping with the character and personal qualities of the one whose path He wants to set straight. Having become Paul, Saul changed radically, qualitatively: he was joined to the life of that Kingdom about which previously he could only dream. But his spiritual vector remained the same; in this respect he did not betray himself. He only walked his path to the end, and at the end found what he had been seeking: the Messiah and the Kingdom.

The way to Christ for practically every person is briefly exposed in these words. Meeting with Him is always unexpected; we don’t recognize God, Who it seems, we look for, without Whom we are tormented and without whom we suffer. Paul was sure that he protects truth from astray and abandoners, He went to defend his God. And when God addressed him, he asked this unique question, which every person looks for the answer. Who are thou, Lord? Who are Thou? World’s energy, a mob of idols, which is easy and more comfortable to worship, or maybe something abstract and distant, not participating in the life of the world in general and of a concrete person in particular? Who is God – that’s what disturbs and worries man. Paul is the first to receive the answer in his simplest and most artless aspect. God has nothing to hide from us, He is ready to manifest Himself - Jesus, whom we studiously and consistently persecute, whom we don’t want to acknowledge. In that period, a lively testimony was necessary for man to believe, and today also it is one of the simplest ways to tell somebody about Christ. But now that the Bible is accessible practically everywhere, how often people forgo the genuine source in order not to listen in any way: "I am Jesus ". We try to find any other answer to the main question, applying to that all our strengths. It is hard to kick against the pricks – says the Lord. Not only hard, unbearably difficult, but we, with obstinacy deserving a better use, are trying to find a way, where there is no place for the God, Who become Man, crucified, died and resuscitated; the God, Who comes to each and says: " I am Jesus ". Although, if going through Paul's way, we accepted this answer quite as he did, the world would have been completely different.

They say usually: Christianity is a voluntary thing. It is all about man’s free choice here: to accept or not, to go or not. And suddenly, upon meeting with the resuscitated, sounds: you can’t kick against the pricks! "But how then with the freedom of choice, goodwill, deliberated acceptance et cetera, without which Christianity cannot be? Or does the Rescuer make an exception for Saul (who will be later called Apostle Paul)? Maybe, yes. After all, Saul showed so much enthusiasm in his opposition to the Church, no person showed himself as much as he did. He is the one, who was ready to pursue Christians everywhere.

Christians were persecuted in all times, and in all the times most of the persecutors were led not by the thirst to defend the truth, but by profit, interest, mostly personal, more rarely public or from the State, as they understood it. But Saul began his crusade against the Church in order to protect God against those he considered as His enemies. Such crusade can’t be stopped by any human strength, at least because the one who carries it out, acts in the name of God.

He doesn’t deceive himself, nor the others, he is really mistaken, without using trickery and without trying to run away from the truth. Then God Himself comes for a meeting with him, comes out in the person of the One, Who Saul was ready to consider as liar, madman, anyone, but only not the One Who He is really.

And the crusade against the Church becomes suddenly a crusade in the name of the Church; the persecutor becomes the faithful witness and the missionary. There is nothing surprising here: Saul, becoming Paul, really saw what he was speaking about. He changed neither himself, nor God; he just understood where he should go. And when he understood, he went without hesitations. On the road leading to the Kingdom.

With what pain these words must have been spoken to Saul: 'Saul, Saul! Why are you persecuting Me?' The Lord is saddened to see His 'chosen vessel' directing all his efforts toward fighting Him. God had chosen Saul for His service, it appears, long before, and kept waiting for him finally to come to Him. He saw Saul, as He sees every other disciple, long before the first meeting with him (see the story of Nathanael's calling - John 1:43-49), so at this meeting the Lord is not 'getting acquainted' with a person as if He had never known him.

Meeting the Lord, a person suddenly realizes that he has been seen and heard, that the One who seems not to know him personally is deeply concerned with what he does and how he thinks. Christ, appearing to Saul, simply speaks to him sadly about the fact that what is in his heart does not bring God joy. And this personal address, this address by name, proves enough for mighty Saul to be broken and soon cease to exist - the 'old man' Saul becomes the 'new man' Paul (see Eph 4:22-24). Thus God's purpose for Saul-Paul is fulfilled.

But each of us is precious to the Lord in our own way. As the apostle Paul will later write about this: 'God arranged the members, each one in the body, as He chose' (see 1 Cor 12:12-18). And the Lord has a purpose for each of us - and each of us is called to strive with all our strength toward its fulfillment.

Today we read about the conversion of Saul, an event that not only turned his life upside down, but also in many ways determined the course of Christian history. Such conversions do not happen often, but they have happened and continue to happen. In essence, every person sooner or later meets God on his path. This meeting often overturns a person's consciousness in much the same way as happened with Paul. He considered himself a servant of God, but turned out to be His enemy, and the reverse was also true: he thought Jesus was his enemy, but He turned out to be his Lord, his life, his calling.

In fact, such an overturning of consciousness is called repentance (in Greek, "metanoia," a "change of mind"). When a person suddenly sees that his whole life is a persecution of Christ, which he carries out inside himself or among those near and far from him, the mercy of the persecuted Son of God is also revealed to him. He will not only accept him among His disciples, but will also lay on him a new mission: not to tear apart, but to build up Christ's Church.

The Lord had prepared a surprise for Ananias. Ananias was plainly quite ready for God to speak to him. But even he did not expect this: to go to Saul of Tarsus, about whom everyone knows that he persecutes Christians and has come to Damascus with one purpose, to root out Christianity.

Ananias is shocked. But he does not reject the vision (though he could have said: going to Saul is madness, so this is not a vision but delirium). On the other hand, he does not argue with God; he does not say, "No, Lord, I am not going anywhere." He clarifies: "Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to Your saints, and here in Damascus he also wants to persecute Your Church..." In answer, the Lord does not say whether this is true or not (evidently because it is already known that it is true); He says: "Go, because I have chosen him."

And Ananias makes the only right decision: he simply goes and does what the Lord told him.

Saul became one of those in whom Christ’s words to His disciples were fulfilled: “...whoever kills you will think that he is offering service to God” (John 16:2). Saul’s zeal was zeal for God, but it was directed along a false and criminal path. When evil is committed, it is difficult to say that the perpetrator “meant well,” yet even in such lamentable circumstances one should pay attention to the motives behind actions. Saul did want to serve God, and it must have been for this reason that He Himself intervened so that Saul’s desire could be fulfilled on the true path.