NOTES for Sir 3:2-6

The words of the son of Sirach about respect for one's father are directly connected with the question of keeping the fifth commandment, which requires respectful treatment of one's own parents. This commandment turns out to be difficult for many to fulfill. And the issue here is not that parents often demand attention for which adult children at times no longer have time. Nor even is it the age-old conflict between fathers and children. The issue is in us ourselves, unwilling to acknowledge what is obvious.

All of us, whether we want it or not, are children of our parents, and nothing can be done about this fact. All of us have received from them as an inheritance, if not property or social status, then certainly character and inclinations. We may like them or dislike them, but we will have to live with them. By rejecting our parents, or something in them that we dislike, we thereby in a certain sense reject ourselves. And the point here is not that parental inheritance somehow predetermines our life.

Predestination becomes a reality of our life only when God leaves it and it ceases to be part of His providence. The issue is whether we are ready to take responsibility for our choice in that concrete situation in which it has to be made, because we have found ourselves in precisely this situation and no other. Of course, we are free to blame someone else for the fact that we ended up where we did. But that, in practice, will mean a refusal of responsibility.

Of course, when making a choice and a decision, we not only may, but must, understand the reasons why the situation in which we found ourselves took shape as it did. And there is no disrespect toward parents in the fact that, among other things, we will also understand and recognize their role in what is happening. We only must not accuse them of anything.

And not because this is disrespectful toward them, but because it distracts us from the main thing: from the decision that must be made and carried out. God can help us make a choice, make a decision, and carry it out, but He will not help us look for the guilty. He helps us only in answer to the question "What should we do?" To the question "Who is to blame?" He will answer Himself in His own time. In the end, He is the Judge and Savior, not we.