NOTES for Joh 12:44-50

Jesus is light. But why, why does this light irritate so many people? Perhaps the most logical answer is that it keeps them from sleeping... We love to sleep—the sleep of sin, the sleep of death. For very often our whole life passes as if in a dream, and we do everything almost automatically. But His light, like bright sunshine on a Sunday morning, will not let us sleep! We have to open our eyes and... look. Look at the world, look at those around us, look Him in the eyes. It is frightening and difficult, but this is precisely what life is. He comes and brings His light not to condemn us: “Just look how bad everything is! Do you see? There you are.” He gives light to save us, so that we may learn to look at Him, rejoice, and love.

By quoting the prophet Isaiah, the evangelist John lets us understand that there is nothing unusual in the unbelief of the Jews. Simple, understandable, and by no means honorable human reasons lead to it. What matters for us here is not to condemn those who do not believe, but to be penetrated by the spirit of Christ's words. Today the Lord speaks to us again about light. He is the light that came into the world so that those who believe in Him would not remain in darkness. This means that, knowing the Lord Jesus Christ, we ourselves can be filled with this light and see truth and falsehood, life and death, cruelty and mercy. And this gives us the opportunity to make a choice and follow the truth the Lord reveals to us.

The evangelist describes the reasons for unbelief in Jesus quite exhaustively. He divides all unbelievers into two categories: those who do not want to see the truth and those who are simply afraid. The second case is more or less understandable: in every age fear and cowardice have been among the chief obstacles on the path of righteousness, preventing those who walk or want to walk that path from making the right decisions. The first category is more complicated. It is probably hard to imagine a person who in ordinary life voluntarily blinds himself or simply closes his eyes so that, no longer seeing the reality around him, he can replace that vision with fantasies. And understandably so: in everyday life the consequences of such an act can be most unexpected and unpleasant. Yet in spiritual life many people apparently make just this choice, and quite often, although the consequences here are hardly less serious. Why is that?

The Athenian philosopher Socrates, who lived five centuries before the birth of Christ, seems already to have understood the reason for such behavior. He said that people often take a small good for a great one and a great evil for a small one, as well as the reverse, simply because what is large looks smaller at a distance than it really is. This applies to spiritual life just as much as to everyday life.

Giving up comfortable and familiar views and a settled worldview, especially a religious one, is at the very least uncomfortable. The day of Judgment seems so distant, so small compared with this discomfort, that... it is disregarded—perhaps in the hope that by the time it comes, things will somehow have settled down, worked themselves out, and resolved themselves, and that we will somehow enter the Kingdom after all at little cost, without any particular sacrifice or loss.

And it is best to get rid of those who, as the saying goes, care far too much. There will be no quiet life with them anyway. How to get rid of them is merely a technical question.

Everyone is familiar with the situation when you offer someone something important, beautiful, valuable, necessary, or tasty, and the person refuses. One of the most typical reactions can be formulated childishly like this: "Fine then, I did not want it that much anyway," or even more cheerfully, "That means there will be more for me." But speaking this way, we pretend that another person's neglect does not touch us and that we are "free people living in a free country," that something of one's own can be dear to each person, and that we respect another person's choice.

In reality, beneath this showy calm lies hurt that what is precious to you turns out to be unnecessary to others. Gradually this hurt can poison life even more: it begins to feel as though it was not the thing offered that was refused, but that you yourself are not loved, not respected, not accepted. And then it begins...

Glory to God that He is not like that at all! When we refuse what He shares with us - not merely something important to Him, but also that without which no person will be truly happy - He still says that He does not judge us (see John 12:47). Then He will add that each person will be his own judge (see John 12:48). And this is an astonishing truth: the Lord cannot deprive us of salvation; only we ourselves can deprive ourselves of it. He not only does not condemn us, He does not even judge us for it. It simply hurts Him very much...

The Lord mysteriously tells us, His disciples: "The light is with you for a little while longer." Yes, of course, this refers to His imminent death on the cross, for the Word, like a grain of God's sowing, must die in order to bear fruit. And He died - of this, unlike His resurrection, no one doubts - and the light He brought into the world went out forever for the world.

But not for those who believed Him! He promised that those who believe in Him would be sons of light, bearers of this light revealed to the apostles in the Resurrection. And this is both a promise and a task: not to remain in darkness despite His death, obvious to all; to "walk in the light," that is, to live in His presence, believing that He is alive. Then His death, through us - and this is astonishing - will bear much fruit for the world and open access for all to the Kingdom of Light...