NOTES for Ti1 1:15

These are some of the apostle Paul's best-known words, reflecting something exceptionally important in our faith. For fifteen centuries now many Christians have remembered them in the prayer before receiving the Body and Blood of Christ, saying: "I believe, O Lord, and confess that You are truly the Christ, the Son of the Living God, who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am first..." Therefore, we do not believe merely that God exists; in essence, that goes without saying. We do not even believe merely that God is able to deliver us from death; that too is obvious. We believe that He has already done this, that He has come into the world.

And there is one more astonishing thing that the apostle Paul mentions more than once: the Lord came to us while we were still sinners. God's love for us is such that He saves us from the depths of perdition, giving us a new opportunity to become worthy of this love. And perhaps the most important words are: "...of whom I am first." But this statement, for all its rightness, suffers from a certain abstractness. What has practical significance is that He came not only to all, but to each person personally.

How should we understand Paul's words that the Messiah came into the world to save sinners? And why does Paul consider himself the foremost of sinners? The simplest answer would be that people in general are sinful, and if they are to be saved, then by definition sinful people must be saved, simply because there are no others. But this may be only part of the answer.

Another part of it may be hinted at in Paul's words about himself as the foremost of sinners. What, in essence, does salvation mean? Clearly, liberation from the power of evil and sin. And how can one be definitively freed from it? Only by entering the Kingdom. But sin is precisely what keeps a person from entering it. Clearly, a fallen person has to begin sharing in the life of the Kingdom while at the same time resisting his own sin. And perhaps the closer a person comes to the fullness of the Kingdom's life to which he is called, the more visible that sin becomes.

Not only Paul but other Christian righteous people also considered themselves the greatest sinners, and this was not self-torment or showmanship. The matter here is probably something else. Once, at a scientific gathering, people were discussing the possibility of interstellar travel at near-light speeds. Among other problems, one rather unexpected one emerged: it turned out that interstellar matter could hinder such flights. Its density is negligible; from the standpoint of the speeds familiar to us, interstellar space can generally be considered empty, with a few atoms per cubic kilometer being insignificantly little. But at near-light speeds they "thicken" and become an insurmountable wall for potential travelers. So it is with sin: countless small sins, like dust, are constantly present in our lives, and as long as we do not approach the Kingdom, we do not notice them because they do not hinder us. But as soon as we take a step in that direction, what was previously unnoticed becomes visible. The intensity of spiritual life increases, and what we once did not even notice begins to hinder us seriously. And when spiritual life becomes what it should be in the Kingdom, those same sins, formerly almost invisible, become a heavy burden pulling us away from the goal. Only the Savior's help makes it possible to overcome that burden.

How to understand the words of Paul that the Messiah came into the world to save sinners? And why Paul considers himself as the chief of sinners? The simplest answer could lie in the fact that people are generally sinners, and if it is necessary to save them, then by definition it will be necessary to save sinners, just because there are not others. But it is probably only a part of the answer. Paul's words of himself as the chief of sinners, probably allude the other part. Indeed: what means in fact salvation? Obviously, liberation from the power of evil and sin. And how can one get rid of it with guarantee?

Only by entering the Kingdom. And it is in particular sin that prevents man from entering there. It is obvious that the fallen man begins the initiation into the life of the Kingdom, simultaneously by resisting his own sin. And perhaps, more man approaches this fullness of the life of the Kingdom, to which he is called, the more this sin becomes more noticeable. Not only Paul, but also the other righteous Christians considered themselves as the greatest sinners, and it was not an self-flagellation or a pose. The problem here is probably somewhere else.

Once, in a scientific meeting, was discussed the possibility of the interstellar flights with sublight speeds. Among other problems, one revealed itself somewhat unexpected: it turned out that the interstellar substance can disturb such flights. It density is extremely small, from the point of view of the speeds usual for us, the interstellar space can generally be considered void, few atoms per kilometer cubic – dismissively little. But in sublight speeds they "condense" and become for the potential travelers an insurmountable wall.

It is so also with the sin: the multitude of small sins, similar to the dust, is constantly present in our life, and as long as we do not approach the Kingdom, we do not notice them because they do not disturb us. But we need only to take a step in that direction, as what was imperceptible before becomes perceptible. The intensity of the spiritual life increases, and what we formerly did not notice, begins seriously to disturb. And when the spiritual life becomes such as it should be in the Kingdom, these same sins which were formerly almost imperceptible become a heavy load, taking away from the purpose. And only the help of the Savior can help overcome this burden.

The great apostle to the Gentiles, who perhaps labored more than anyone so that you and I might receive the news of Christ, does not give himself top marks. He considers himself not a righteous man but a sinner—and the foremost of all sinners. He constantly offers his repentance to God and constantly gives thanks for His mercy. Even Paul's apostleship is not his own achievement, but a response to Christ's call and a manifestation of the power He bestowed. God stopped Paul while he was persecuting Christians; God forgave him and appointed him to serve; God granted him the grace of faith and love for Christ—and to God he gives glory. Should we not learn from Paul to see these two things at once: our own sinfulness and God's perfect holiness?

Paul illustrates his words about the Torah, which leads the righteous to Christ and into the Kingdom, with the example of his own life. Speaking about his life before his conversion, Paul acknowledges that he was a persecutor of Christians, something that, of course, was known to everyone who knew the apostle. But by his own words, he was then just as sincere as he later was after his conversion to Christ, and he became a persecutor of the faithful solely out of ignorance (vv. 12-14). As we can see, in what concerns following the Torah, sincerity and faithfulness to what the person on the path considers right turn out to be the main thing for the apostle. This is not surprising: for the righteous person, what matters above all is spiritual integrity, which is manifested first of all at the level of the will, in the ability and readiness to make the right choice, to make decisions and follow them. Without such spiritual integrity, normal spiritual life is impossible in principle, as, for that matter, is any life at all. As for mistakes, when spiritual life is healthy, God can always correct them by showing the seeker the right path. That is exactly what He did with Paul, arranging for him on the Damascus road a meeting with the Risen One that overturned the future apostle's whole life.

Paul, as we can see, turned out to be spiritually ready for such a meeting. This is not, of course, about his expecting anything of the kind: in that sense, the meeting with the Risen One contradicted all his views and convictions. But he was ready in the sense that he resolved to part with them as soon as it became clear to him where the path of righteousness, leading into the Kingdom, now lay. The apostle has no illusions at all about his own sinfulness: he understands perfectly well that turning to Christ, and even the experience of the Kingdom, did not make him sinless; even now, years after his conversion, he continues to call himself a sinner, and of course this is not about what he did before, when he was a persecutor of the Church, but about what he knows himself to be now, already a witness of Christ and of the Kingdom (v. 15). But he knows something else as well, what all the righteous of all times have known: righteousness is not sinlessness, but the ability and readiness to follow God and bear witness to Him despite one's own sinfulness. For Paul, bearing witness to God means, of course, above all bearing witness to his meeting with Christ and to the experience of the Kingdom that was opened to him during that meeting and later, in the course of his apostolic ministry. And, of course, he understands perfectly well that without the direct participation of the Savior Himself, nothing of the kind in his life would have existed or could have existed (v. 16). Paul demonstrates by his own example how God turns a sinner who is seeking the righteous path into an inhabitant of the Kingdom.